


Evergreen

by demizorua



Category: Good Game (TV 2017)
Genre: Alcohol Withdrawal, And yet, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Found Family, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Songfic, demizorua out here with another dang cavetown songfic baybee!!!, i guess this could be called venty? it's mostly just feelings and words, i should be writing the multichapter fic i'm working on, idk what this is tbh, it's super experimental and stuff and i just went feral
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-24
Updated: 2020-02-24
Packaged: 2021-02-28 01:48:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,927
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22885810
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/demizorua/pseuds/demizorua
Summary: It’s not easy staying clean, wouldn’t it be nice to be evergreen?It feels like I’m slipping behind a screen of nightlights and suicidal tendenciesIt’s not easy feeling cold like burning numb hands under a water streamWouldn’t it be nice to be evergreen?Experimental venty songfic forEvergreenbyCavetown.
Relationships: Ryland & Alex Taylor (Good Game), Ryland Tate & Alex Taylor (Good Game), Ryland Tate/Alex Taylor (Good Game), Ryland/Alex Taylor (Good Game)
Comments: 10
Kudos: 13





	Evergreen

_We’re in the rain, in outer space_  
_And I can’t fathom an explanation for what we’re doing in this place_

The night sky was gray and overcast, the gentle pitter-patter of rain on a window filling the air with a gentle ambiance. Ryland gazed emptily out into the darkness, watching the droplets race each other down the cool glass. His eyes were glazed over, blank and unfocused, and his thoughts -- although horribly, unendingly active -- were heavy and sluggish.

Ryland’s head was spinning in circles, a slow whirlpool of anxiety and doubt. He hadn’t slept in days and his eyes stung with the painful ache of insomnia. His mind was hot and fuzzy, cotton oozing out of his mouth and ears, clogging his throat and lungs, crowding his brain until there was nothing else.

Absently rubbing at his forearm through his sleeve, Ryland tried to force the thoughts of icy metal and burning blood out of his mind. He longed for the cool touch of sharpened steel, wanted to open his skin so the dizzying heat could seep out, out, _out._ He couldn't, though. No matter how much he wanted to.

Pressing the heels of his palms into his eyes, Ryland groaned tiredly.

No matter how hard he tried, the ache behind his eyes refused to let him be.

_Now your hair clings to your cheek_  
_I brush it aside ever so gently, thank you for being here for me_

Ryland felt the cushion dip as a new weight joined him on the sofa. Pushing through the warm molasses he floated in, Ryland turned to look at his companion. His heavy eyelids fought to stay open, and Ryland's eyes itched and burned relentlessly, his prickling skin yelling, begging endlessly, a silent, never-ending scream.

Ryland grit his teeth and clenched his fist, willing the dry itch to go away.

His companion's face bore a sad smile, eyes open and accepting. Ryland couldn't look away, Alex's eyes ever so soft, ever so welcoming.

Alex reached out slowly, brushing Ryland's thin hair to the side. Ryland easily allowed his eyes to slip shut, Alex's cool hand cupping his cheek, soothing the burning in his head that had tormented him for so long. Leaning into the touch, Ryland felt the stifling heat fade to the background, driven off by welcome icy water which flowed outwards from the soft contact.

_It's not easy staying clean, wouldn't it be nice to be evergreen?_  
_It feels like I'm slipping behind a screen of nightlights and suicidal tendencies_  
_It's not easy feeling cold like burning numb hands under a water stream_  
_Wouldn't it be nice to be evergreen?_

Ryland sighed softly as Alex began gently petting his head, haziness retreating further into the depths of his mind. His companion's other hand was lightly tracing the skin beneath Ryland's shirt sleeve, the fire which burned there withering beneath the touch.

The cotton clogging his throat and filling his lungs had thinned, and Ryland felt like he could breathe once more. It was still hard, he still felt hot, too hot, but Alex's cool presence made the heat bearable.

Ryland opened his eyes, seeking out the soft brown eyes he loved. Mustering a pitiful smile, he tried to convey his thanks to the lanky man who sat before him. Alex returned the gesture with a melancholy smile of his own, and he leaned forward to gently press their foreheads together, his fingertips still cupping Ryland's face.

Ryland allowed himself to drift off, the gentle tapping of rain on their window filling the cozy space with a cool aura.

* * *

_We're in the snow, under the milky way_  
_And no matter how hard I try to, I can't possibly explain_

The couch cushions beneath Alex's head were scratchy and hard, and the blanket he had wrapped himself in did little to fight off the frigid air. Gentle flurries drifted down from the clouds outside, blanketing the world in blinding white frost. Moonlight reflected off the ice crystals, shimmering into the darkened room, invading the shadows and solace.

Alex squeezed his eyes shut ever tighter, trying to block out the bitter cold of the world. It was so, so cold. He felt his entire body tremble, felt ice flow through his veins, freezing his body and mind.

_My shaking hands and my breaking bones_  
_There's nothing like whispers in your mind to keep you aware that you're alone_

Pulling the blanket tighter around himself, Alex grit his teeth, trying desperately not to cry. He felt so brittle, like a fragile sculpture made of ice; the slightest touch and he would shatter.

A choked sob escaped his throat as Alex's mind once again conjured up visions of his past to torment him. He tried, really tried not to think about it, but his body wouldn't let him forget the most immediate remedy for his sorrow.

Phantom feelings of warm, bitter liquid sitting hot in his mouth, burning his insides as it streamed down his throat and settled heavily in his gut. The comforting, hazy warmth, the nothingness in his head when he had a beer in his hand; oh how Alex longed for it.

He'd driven off everyone who ever cared about him, and Alex still couldn't bear to face his demons sober; still trembled and shook by himself, always by himself, always alone.

Icy tears streamed down his frigid, cracked cheeks, pooling on the soft fabric his head now rested on. Ryland's warm, gentle hand stroked Alex's unkempt hair, soothing heat emanating from him as Alex instinctually curled up around his companion.

_It's not easy staying clean, wouldn't it be nice to be evergreen?_  
_It feels like I'm slipping behind a screen of nightlights and suicidal tendencies_  
_It's not easy feeling cold like burning numb hands under a water stream_  
_Wouldn't it be nice to be evergreen, wouldn't it be nice to be?_

Still curled on his side, Alex clenched and unclenched his fists, willing them to still themselves. Blind to his desperation, however, his hands continued to shake, and Alex opened his eyes weakly as he held them up to his face. He stared helplessly as they continued to tremble, mocking Alex in their indifference to his efforts.

Ryland took both of Alex's hands into his own, startling Alex into looking up at him. Ryland's hands were warm and steady, eclipsing Alex's fragile bones and grounding his tumultuous mind.

Alex forced himself into a sitting position, his gaze locked on Ryland's dark eyes. Ryland squeezed his hands gently, firm yet not too restricting, and Alex could see endless compassion and sorrow overflowing from Ryland's gentle gaze. His eyes said so much and yet so little, captivating Alex and drawing him out of his solitary cage.

More tears flowed from Alex's tired eyes, his breath hitching as he sobbed. His shoulders shook in silent sorrow, and Alex gripped Ryland's hands tight, tighter, as tightly as he could, like if Alex let go he would lose him.

Ryland said nothing, holding their joined hands close to his chest. He leaned forward slowly, touching his forehead to Alex's, warming the blizzard in his mind. Alex leaned into the gesture, basking in the simple comfort it provided.

* * *

_In moments like this it’s hard to breathe steadily_  
_The world is spinning and my hands shake uncontrollably_

Alex stared emptily at the fuzzy image in the mirror, his gaze blank and unfocused. His head was spinning and the ground tilted back and forth; Alex braced his arms against the counter to keep his balance. His hands shook as he rested his forearms on the cold, damp surface, and Alex had given up trying to keep them still.

Frowning, Alex squinted again, desperately trying to bring the world into focus. His vision remained blurry, swimming just as much as it had when he first stood up, and he felt tears well up in his eyes.

How long had it been? Alex had no idea. It was late, he knew that much. He couldn't sleep. He was cold, so very cold, freezing to death, and yet he couldn't stop sweating. His shirt clung to his body, cold sweat fastening it to his back, and his bare feet were numb against the icy bathroom tiles.

Another wave of nausea struck Alex unexpectedly, his knees buckling as he let his head fall into his hands. He forced his eyes shut, ignoring the tears that were squeezed out as he did. The bitter, acidic taste in Alex's mouth refused to fade, bringing back the feeling of the first bout of sickness of the night.

Leaning pitifully against the counter, Alex braced himself, waiting for the storm to pass.

* * *

_Life’s a hair, one gentle blow and it could be gone_  
_And I’ve never felt so afraid_

Ryland's back ached, the hard floor doing nothing to soothe his pain. He couldn't bring himself to care, though, eyes glazed over as he sat hunched against his bedroom wall.

No matter how many times he pushed the thoughts away, Ryland's mind would inevitably drift back to what he knew awaited him outside. All manner of cold metal sat in the outer rooms of the apartment, tempting Ryland, taunting him mercilessly. It would be so easy, just one slice…

Blinking deliberately, Ryland forced the damning thoughts from his head once more, gaze remaining distant and unfocused. It was so tempting, so _simple;_ Ryland could hardly take it.

It would be so _easy,_ and that's what's worst about it. Why was it so easy? Why was life so delicate, so _fragile_ , that one wrong move could wash it all away?

Ryland clenched his fists, staying rooted to the spot as the minutes ticked by, sleepless and lonely. It would be so quick, so simple, so painless, and that's what scares him the most.

* * *

_We’re on the earth, on solid ground_  
_Do you have any idea how lucky you are to be around?_

The curtains were drawn, the chaos of the outside world kept shut out and far away. The apartment was bathed in soft light, some long-forgotten movie playing silently on their TV.

Alex clung tightly to Ryland, both men content to be as close to each other as possible. Their limbs were tangled together, fire and ice wrapping with one another in familiar, harmonious comfort.

Countless painful weeks lay behind them, and countless more loomed on the horizon. Both of them knew that nothing but struggles awaited them, but they weren't worried. To struggle was to live -- and live they did, day after day after day. With the sunrise would come worry, would come hardship, would come fear.

They would face the sunrise and all that it brings when daylight rears its sunny head. The future brings fear, but the present brings comfort, brings soothing companionship and calm. Regardless of what lies ahead, side by side they would face it, hand in hand and heart in soul.

Now, though, night's soft darkness covered the world, blanketing all in comfort and peace. Life would continue on in the morning, but for now, all was still.

These moments are what we live for, after all -- these silent, peaceful moments when all that exists is comfort. Through dark and through light, through day and through night, these precious moments lie on the horizon, just outside our view.

The two men lay close to each other, comfort filling their minds. With each other, they were safe; with each other, they were happy.

With each other, they were home.

_You’re not alone, please never forget_  
_My arms are your second home_

**Author's Note:**

> i don't really. know what this is? i was feeling some stuff, listening to some cavetown, and kinda wanted to experiment with a more abstract writing style so…… here this is!!
> 
> please please _please_ give feedback if you can!! this is _super_ experimental as u can probably tell so like. tell me what u think!!


End file.
